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Help me with these verses



 
ESL Forum | English Teacher Explanations (ESL Tests)
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Help me with these verses #1 (permalink) Tue Jun 22, 2010 5:14 am   Help me with these verses
 

Hello!, please help me with these verses; for example I dont know if the "on my own" expression is well used.

I never feel on my own
cause ive always been weak and numb
and there is a sign of something is wrong
something's wrong in me, something wicked.

forgive my amateur english.... thanks
Elessar
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Joined: 22 Jun 2010
Posts: 3

Help me with these verses #2 (permalink) Tue Jun 22, 2010 5:24 am   Help me with these verses
 

What do you mean 'on my own'? The phrase normally means 'independent'.
'Numb' makes no sense here.
'I've' is so spelt.
There are too many verbs in the 3rd line.
It does not seem to be a verse, since it has neither rhyme nor rhythm.
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thanks! #3 (permalink) Tue Jun 22, 2010 5:26 am   thanks!
 

mmmmmmmm yeah, is completly wrong......... thanks
Elessar
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Joined: 22 Jun 2010
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