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PLEASE HELP ME CHECK AND RATE MY ESSAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH



 
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PLEASE HELP ME CHECK AND RATE MY ESSAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH #1 (permalink) Sat Apr 07, 2012 7:01 am   PLEASE HELP ME CHECK AND RATE MY ESSAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH
 

SAT ESSAY:
Prompt:
“The liberally educated person is one who is able to resist the easy and preferred answers, not because he is obstinate but because he knows others worthy of consideration”.
Assignment: What is one important “easy and preferred answer” that we should resist? That is, what dangerous misconception do people commonly hold?

One dangerous misconception is that almost the majority always evaluate people via their external appearance. A good appearance before crowd attracts others but the majority's ideas about someone should consider not only external appearance but also internal characteristic. The illustration about Susan Boyle - a Scotland singer who had participated "Britain's got talent" and become special phenomenon in 2009, and Nick Vujicic, an disable Autralian without climbers prove that appearance do not confirm all of things about a person.

Susan was just a normal women but she showed that her aptitude in singing is wonderful. When she stood before a number of audiences with fat appearance and bad hair, and was self-confident to tell that she wanted to be professional singer, people mocked and doubted her. However, when her "I Dreamed a dream" song started, everyone was very surprised and admitted her talent and applaused. She was very successful, not because of her beauty, just because of her talent.

Disable people are victims of harsh judgments too. Others consider them weak and helpless but the truth is their strength is far better than normal people. Nick Vujicic is a perfect phenomenon
who overcome adversity and became a hero for people around the world. Although he had no legs and hands, he struggled and goto school with normal friends instead of school for disable children. By parent's loves and encouragement, he faced the reality and tried to his best to study and get A university's degree, and he also become famous speaker later on. He has visited many countries to light the fire and hope for young people. Clearly, without legs and hands, he can do more better things than others, he also has a good family and job through his efforts for future life.

It is easy to judge people by their appearances, but hard to know their true worth without knowing them better, see the appearance of people but we can not evaluate how they are and what they do like, majority's thinking. We always get some mistakes from a person in the first watching so we must consider accurately for a long time what they have achieved and performed.
Vo Hong Thuong
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 06 Apr 2012
Posts: 13

PLEASE HELP ME CHECK AND RATE MY ESSAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH #2 (permalink) Wed Apr 11, 2012 0:36 am   PLEASE HELP ME CHECK AND RATE MY ESSAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH
 

SAT ESSAY:
Prompt:
“The liberally educated person is one who is able to resist the easy and preferred answers, not because he is obstinate but because he knows others worthy of consideration”.
Assignment: What is one important “easy and preferred answer” that we should resist? That is, what dangerous misconception do people commonly hold?

One dangerous misconception is that, almost the majority always evaluate people (based) via [/color](on) their external appearance(s). A good appearance before (a) crowd attract others (.) (but)[/code][/code] (T) the majority's ideas about someone should (be)consider not only (on) external appearance but also internal characteristic. The illustration about Susan Boyle (is a perfect example) - a Scotland singer who had participated (on a televised program) "Britain's got talent" and (became a) become special phenomenon in 2009(.), and Nick Vujicic, an disable Australian without climbers prove that appearance do not confirm all (everything) of things about a person.

Susan was just a normal (woman) women but she showed that her aptitude in singing is wonderful. When she stood before a number of audiences with fat appearance and bad hair, and was self-confident to tell that she wanted to be (a) professional singer, people mocked and doubted her. However, when (she sang) her (the song) "I Dreamed a dream" song started, everyone was very surprised and (acknowledged) admitted her talent and (applauded) applaused. She was very successful, not because of her beauty, (but) just because of her talent.

Disable people are victims of harsh judgments too. Others consider them weak and helpless but the truth is their strength is far better than normal people. Nick Vujicic is a perfect phenomenon
who overcome adversity and became a hero for people around the world. Although he had no legs and hands, he struggled and (went) go to school with normal friends instead of school for disable children. By parent's loves and encouragement, he faced the reality and tried to (do) his best to study and get (a) A university's degree, and he also (became) become (a) famous speaker later on. He has visited many countries to light the fire and hope for young people. Clearly, without legs and hands, he can do (far) more better things than others.(,) (H) he also has a good family and job through his efforts for ..future life.

It is easy to judge people by their appearances, but hard to know their true worth without knowing them better, (we) see the appearance of people but we can(-) not evaluate how they are and what they do like, (based on the) majority's thinking. We always get (some) (mistaken) (mistakes from) by a person (at a first glance) (on the first watching) so we must (accurately) consider (accurately) for a long time what they have achieved and (their performance) performed.

(consider these changes below)

We are often mistaken when judging a person based on appearance alone. We can only achieve a degree of accuracy, through deeper communication and knowing what that person has achieved based on overall performance.
Vo Hong Thuong
New Member

Joined: 06 Apr 2012
Posts: 6

Notes: Please consider deleting words in orange background (bold).
First of all, avoid run on sentences.
When using articles a, an: “a” is indefinite article and “an” is indefinite article.
The article “a” and “an” are used before nouns, the article "an" is used before vowel sounds, and “a” article before consonants. You use "the" when referring to particular thing or person.
Secondly, do not omit or leave out conjunctions where it is necessary, especially when two sentences are joined together.
Thirdly, remember to watch your verb tenses and subject verb agreement.Sorry the font colour or bold is not showing, so hope you can make sense of the corrections. Follow the notes below.

Delete the word via. Add full stop after the words attrack others. Delete the word but and start a new sentence with capital T. Consider using past tense became a instead of become. Ad full stop any where it is indicated and delete comma. Then start with a frest sentence. The words in brackets are meant to be deleted and necessary changes are left without brackets.
Cowboy49
New Member


Joined: 10 Apr 2012
Posts: 1

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PLEASE HELP ME CHECK AND RATE MY ESSAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH #3 (permalink) Wed Jun 20, 2012 15:25 pm   PLEASE HELP ME CHECK AND RATE MY ESSAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH
 

Use fancy vocabulary in your essay to improve your score
Taxidriver
New Member


Joined: 20 Jun 2012
Posts: 7

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