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ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFLŪ Test and essay samples collection
please rate... | could you please check my essay, It has TOEFLŪ Topic
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please rate... #1 (permalink) Mon May 20, 2013 9:23 am   please rate...
 

111. Some people prefer to spend most of their time alone. Others like to be with friends most of the time. Do you prefer to spend your time alone or with friends? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Whether spending time alone or with friends is a heated subject of much debate. Some people affirm that it is more relaxing and enjoyable to be alone. They point out that when they get home tired and exhausted they do not want their friends to bother them. Therefore, they avoid noisy company of their friends. However, despite these arguments, I prefer to spend most of my time with my friends for several reasons.
To begin with, it is more fun to spend my time with my friends. All human beings are social creature and communication is inseparable part of our life. Whenever I get tired and bored I prefer to hang out with my friends. It helps to relax and rejuvenate my spirit. Telling different stories, joking and playing games quell my tiredness and boredom. Whereas, spending my time alone I experience loneliness and fall into despare. In contrast, while chatting with my friends I forget about everyday concerns and troubles. Nowadays, in this busy world filled with hectic activities, my friends help me to release energy and relieve stress.
In addition, I always need the help from my friends. Whenever I encounter hardships and difficulties on my way, my friends always back me up and support me. They assist me and give my courage to persist. My friends gave me confidence to achieve my goals. For example, when I was preparing for my entrance exam, some of my friends helped my to do my homework. They used to point out my mistakes and help me to work on my weaknesses. Furthermore, they fostered an environment that cultivated success and encouragement. Whenever I doubted my abilities, they reminded me of my strengths They motivated me to preform at an exceptional level. Thanks to them and their support, I could achieve my goal.
To sum up, it is more preferable for me to spend my time with my friends, as I enjoy communicating with them. Moreover, meeting my friends charge me with positive energy, lift up my mood and help to accomplish my goals.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor mention the weather at the beginning of his lecture?
Ani Khachatryan
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 20 Apr 2013
Posts: 122

Re: please rate... #2 (permalink) Tue May 21, 2013 8:54 am   Re: please rate...
 

Hi Ani, this one is really good. Your vocabulary and word choice is excellent and your writing is extremely clear and well developed. You do have a few minor grammatical errors, but I don't' think these would keep you from getting a 5 out of 5.

Ani Khachatryan wrote:
111. Some people prefer to spend most of their time alone. Others like to be with friends most of the time. Do you prefer to spend your time alone or with friends? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Whether spending[to spend] time alone or with friends is a heated subject of much debate. {I don't think this boilerplate sentence works very well with this topic, I don't think there are too many heated editorials about this topic} Some people affirm that it is more relaxing and enjoyable to be alone. They point out that when they get home tired and exhausted they do not want their friends to bother them. Therefore, they avoid noisy company of their friends. However, despite these arguments, I prefer to spend most of my time with my friends for several reasons.
To begin with, it is more fun to spend my time with my friends. All human beings are social creature and communication is [an] inseparable part of our life. Whenever I get tired and bored I prefer to hang out with my friends. It helps to relax and rejuvenate my spirit. Telling different stories, joking and playing games quell my tiredness and boredom. Whereas, spending my time alone I experience loneliness and fall into despare.[despair] In contrast, while chatting with my friends I forget about everyday concerns and troubles. Nowadays, in this busy world filled with hectic activities, my friends help me to release energy and relieve stress.
In addition, I always need the help from my friends. Whenever I encounter hardships and difficulties on my way, my friends always back me up and support me. They assist me and give my courage to persist. My friends gave me confidence to achieve my goals. For example, when I was preparing for my entrance exam, some of my friends helped m[e ] to do my homework. They used to point out my mistakes and help me to work on my weaknesses. Furthermore, they fostered an environment that cultivated success and encouragement. Whenever I doubted my abilities, they reminded me of my strengths[.] They motivated me to preform at an exceptional level. Thanks to them and their support, I could achieve my goal.
To sum up, it is more preferable for me to spend my time with my friends, as I enjoy communicating with them. Moreover, meeting my friends charge[s ] me with positive energy, lift[s ] up my mood and help[s ] to accomplish my goals.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor mention the weather at the beginning of his lecture?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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please rate... #3 (permalink) Tue May 21, 2013 13:48 pm   please rate...
 

Oh, thank you very much. Thanks to you I got the maximum score. I hope, I will perform the same way in my exam.
Ani Khachatryan
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 20 Apr 2013
Posts: 122

please rate... #4 (permalink) Tue May 21, 2013 14:43 pm   please rate...
 

I hope so too, remember I am not an official grader, but I really do think this is good. If you could get your word count up a bit more, ideally by adding a third body paragraph, that would be great.
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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