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an new essay.:D only three days left before my ToeflŪ test



 
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Hi Luschen, please check and grade my essay | It is better to spend money on traveling and vacations than to save money?
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an new essay.:D only three days left before my Toefl test #1 (permalink) Thu Aug 29, 2013 4:54 am   an new essay.:D only three days left before my Toefl test
 

the best way for parents to teach children about responsibility is to have them care for an animal.
Nowadays, people emphasize much more on the ethics education of their kids. They come up with many ways to teach their kids about those good qualities like responsibility. And some people consider the best way for parents to teach their children about responsibility is to have them care for an animal, however, I disagree with this statement because I believe there are many better methods to achieve the same goal.
First, parents can teach their kids about responsibility by asking them to do part-time jobs and earn their own pocket money. Many kids spend the money like pouring water. Many kids regard their school homework as a task and even copy others ' answers. These all reflect the fact that those kids are not responsible for their behavior. However, by taking a part-time job, they have to finish work in a limited time with high quality since there are always eyes watching them. Then, after they get their salaries, they can learn to spend the money wisely otherwise there will be not money left for them to buy something they eager more. So by taking a part-time job, kids can learn to manage their budget wisely and finish their work efficiently, which are all necessary requirements to be a responsible human.
Second, kids can also learn to shoulder the responsibility by taking after his or her little sisters or brothers. Granted, it is parents' job to take care of their own children well, however, parents can distribute some easy work to the elder children, such as feeding the food, changing the diaper and washing the socks. When those elder kids care for their younger brothers or sisters, they can learn how to be independent and how to manage without his parents around. Moreover, they can build up an emotional connection with their little sisters or brothers, which can motivate them to have a desire of protectiveness upon their little fellows and thus help them to undertake family responsibility.
Granted, having kids to care for an animal can help kids cultivate a sense of responsibility to some degree, however, it can also increase the probability for kids to get injured. A dog may give the children a bite or a parrot may give them a nasty peck. Thus, if kids get infected by some horrible virus like Rabies or H1N1, how worried the parents will be! In contrast, by asking kids to do a part-time job or take care of their younger children at home, tragedies are less possible to happen. Therefore, it is my considered opinion that it is not the best way for parents to teach children about responsibility by having them care for an animal.
All in all, from my point of view, there are many better ways to teach children to undertake obligations, such as taking a part-time job or caring for family members, than looking after an animal. They can still learn to be responsible and will not get injured.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the problem with the concept of brain lateralization?
Vivianmi
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 26 Apr 2013
Posts: 43

Re: an new essay.:D only three days left before my Toefl test #2 (permalink) Thu Aug 29, 2013 22:02 pm   Re: an new essay.:D only three days left before my Toefl test
 

Hi Vivian, I think this essay was excellent. I think you are well prepared for your test, at least the writing portion, and will do well. I think this one might have scored a 5 out of 5.

Vivianmi wrote:
the best way for parents to teach children about responsibility is to have them care for an animal.
Nowadays, people emphasize much more on the{or "put more emphasis on the ..."} ethics education of their kids. They come up with many ways to teach their kids about those good qualities like responsibility. And some people consider the best way for parents to teach their children about responsibility is to have them care for an animal, however, I disagree with this statement because I believe there are many better methods to achieve the same goal.
First, parents can teach their kids about responsibility by asking them to do part-time jobs and earn their own pocket money. Many kids spend the money like pouring water. Many kids regard their school homework as a task and even copy others ' answers. These all reflect the fact that those kids are not responsible for their behavior. However, by taking a part-time job, they have to finish [their] work in a limited time with high quality since there are always eyes watching them. Then, after they get their salaries, they can learn to spend the money wisely[,] otherwise there will be not[no] money left for them to buy something they eager[desire] more. So by taking a part-time job, kids can learn to manage their budget wisely and finish their work efficiently, which are all necessary requirements to be a responsible human.
Second, kids can also learn to shoulder the responsibility by taking after[care of] {"take after" means to look like - "he takes after his father, they have the same eyes"} his or her little sisters or brothers. Granted, it is [the] parents' job to take care of their own children well, however, parents can distribute some easy work to the elder children, such as feeding the[m ] food,{you don't feed the food, you feed people the food} changing the diaper and washing the socks. When those elder kids care for their younger brothers or sisters, they can learn how to be independent and how to manage without his[their] parents around. Moreover, they can build up an emotional connection with their little sisters or brothers, which can motivate them to have a desire of protectiveness upon their little fellows and thus help them to undertake family responsibility.
Granted, having kids to care for an animal can help kids[them] cultivate a sense of responsibility to some degree, however, it can also increase the probability for kids to get injured. A dog may give the children a bite or a parrot may give them a nasty peck. Th[en], if kids get infected by some horrible virus like [ r]abies or H1N1, how worried the parents will be! In contrast, by asking kids to do a part-time job or take care of their younger children at home, tragedies are less possible[likely] to happen. Therefore, it is my considered opinion that it is not the best way for parents to teach children about responsibility by having them care for an animal.
All in all, from my point of view, there are many better ways to teach children to undertake obligations, such as taking a part-time job or caring for family members, than looking after an animal. They can still learn to be responsible and will not get injured.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the problem with the concept of brain lateralization?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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